Kansas City

2007-04-19T14:36:00.000-07:00

Wow. It's been a while since I posted on here so I thought I would cheat a little and post a few photos that show what has been going on these last few weeks. Here we go:
A while back there was a huge fire at a factory downtown. It was close to the office and this was the view out of the window.

It was touch and go if we would have to evacuate the office. A special plane flew in from Texas to test the air and the said it was safe so long as you were at least one mile away. I left the office early anyway not wanting to risk it.
We saw this guy at the airport a while back. I managed to 'pap' a photo of him. Cracking haircut!!

On a trip to the supermarket one day we came across this little beauty :-). Can you imagine getting run over by this!! You wouldn't stand a chance.

Kids toys over here in the USA seem to be a bit different to what I remember playing with as a kid. Check out these I spotted in the local WalMart. Mini motorised vehicles.

and finally...... the weather the last few days has been amazing. The temperature has gone up about 20 degrees and it's light until 8pm. We are starting to get the beautiful sunsets I remember from last year.

Note: All the pics were taken on my Nokia phone so I apologise for the poor quality.

2007-01-29T14:08:00.000-08:00

Most days when you travel to work you follow the usual routine. Personally I walk to my car, drive about 5 miles then walk from my car to my desk. Same route each day, not usually very exciting. Friday of last week was a little different.
I walked to my car as usual, drove to the office as usual and that's where the normal routine stopped. While I waited to get in the lift to take me to the 5th floor I said good morning to the gentleman who was also waiting. Typically when I say good morning to a total stranger they would say something back to me then get on with their day. This guy was a little different. We made eye contact as he said good morning back as for a split second his eyes looked "south". It was a very quick glance but I noticed it. I thought that it was a little strange. When the lift arrived there was a woman already inside. She wasn't paying much attention to anything but when I said hello she also looked at me then made a quick flick with her eyes to check out the top of my trousers!!
By now I was starting to get a bit paranoid. The first two people I see and they both check me out. What's going on? As I waited for the lift to arrive at the 5th floor I thought my flies could be open. Perhaps that was the attention grabber. I casually checked the zip as I rode the lift and everything was where it should be. I reached the 5th floor and began walking to my desk. It's a 2 minute walk through a number of desks and corridors and along the way I past a number of people going about their daily tasks. At least two more people made eye contact and proceeded to flick their eyes down, realise I had noticed then re-make eye contact or look away.
I finally got to my desk and by now I thought my trousers were see-thru. I sat down, looked at the top of my trousers and realised the source for the wandering eyes. On my right pocket was a perfect hand print. I was wearing black trousers but I could definitely see a darker area making a perfect hand print. From the position of the print it would suggest I had been busting some Michael Jackson groin grabbing moves on the way to work. I can assure the reader that is not the case and it took me a few moments to work out how it had happened. Before I left the house I had washed my hands and there was no towel in the bathroom to dry myself. As I wandered through the house looking for a towel I must have touched my pocket to check that I had my car keys. At that moment I put a perfect hand print on my trousers.
It took about half an hour for the print to dry and disappear and for that half hour I remained at my desk not wanting to be the source of any more wandering eyes. If you want to get noticed at the start of your day, simply place a wet hand print at the top of your trousers. I can guarantee it will work :-)

2007-01-12T13:42:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine mentioned that this has sort of turned into a "What's the difference between the USA and the UK" style blog. I guess it has. On that note I thought people might like to read an email I received this week. I didn't write it so can't claim any credit but I thought it was amusing:

U S INDEPENDENCE RESCINDED

To the citizens of the United States of America, in the light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy.

Your new Prime Minister (The Right Honourable Tony Blair MP, for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a Minister for America without the need for further elections.

The House of Representatives and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium." Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.
The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour'; skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters.
You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise."

You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to re-spell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation.
Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up vocabulary." Using the same thirty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "uhh", "like", and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.

Look up "interspersed."

There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows.

When you learn to develop your vocabulary, then you won't have to use bad language as often.

2. There is no such thing as "US English." We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize."

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to cockney, upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier).

You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents --- Scottish dramas such as "Taggart" will no longer be broadcast with subtitles.

While we're talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is "Devon." If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become "shires" e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire.

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters.

British sit-coms such as "Men Behaving Badly" or "Red Dwarf" will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness. Popular British films such as the Italian Job and the Wicker Man should never be remade.

5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.

6. You should stop playing American "football." There are other types of football such as Rugby, Aussie Rules & Gaelic football. However proper football - which will no longer be known as soccer, is the best known, most loved and most popular. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US Rugby sevens side by 2008.
You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of North America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called "rounders," which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.

7. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

8. The 4th of July is no longer a public holiday. The 2nd of November will be a new national holiday, but only in Britain. It will be called "Indecisive Day."

9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap, and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.
All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call 'French fries' are not real chips. Fries aren't even French, they are Belgian though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps." Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat.
Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.

11. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself.

12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling "beer" is not actually beer at all, it is lager . From November 1st only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer," and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager." The substances formerly known as "American Beer" will henceforth be referred to as "Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine," with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company those product will be referred to as "Weak Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine." This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in the Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.

13. From the 10th of November the UK will harmonise petrol (or "gasoline," as you will be permitted to keep calling it until the 1st of April) prices with the former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices (roughly $6/US gallon -- get used to it).

14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

16. Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).

Thank you for your co-operation

2007-01-07T13:30:00.000-08:00

The NFL playoffs.

Since I am living in Kansas City I have decided to support the local NFL team the Kansas City Chiefs. This season they just made it to the playoffs relying heavily on other teams results. Yesterday I watched their playoff game and unfortunately they got hammered. I think it was the worst performance I have ever watched. I have to admit I don't fully understand the game yet but I could see they were awful.
The big thing I have noticed about the NFL is the attention span required to watch a game. I am used to watching an English football match with two 45-minute halves. Each half runs without a break. An NFL game has a burst of play, maybe two minutes then there is a commercial break. A 15-minute quarter might last 20 - 30 minutes. As a result you find yourself watching the game and doing other things. Emailing friends, cooking lunch etc and you don't miss anything. I can see why Americans will never get into English soccer, they simply don't have the attention span for it and the advertisers couldn't cope with a 15-minute break at half time and nothing else.
The NFL is exciting to watch. Americans really know how to put on a show but that’s the feel it has. It’s more like a Westend show than a sports event. It doesn’t have the raw sports feel of a Premiership football match. Each to their own I guess.

2006-12-20T22:20:00.000-08:00

Food Day

About three times a year someone in the office here in KC will send around an email suggesting their should be a food day. They always mention how its been so long since the last one and instruct everyone to bring in an item of food. This is not something that really happens much in the UK so I am always interested to see what people will bring in.
Today was just such a day and in true American style a mountain of food was brought into the office and everyone took part. There wasn't much in the way of healthy food and I was amazed no-one slipped into a diabetic coma. At lunchtime a delivery of bar-b-que meat was brought up to our area and everybody tucked in. The amount of food was truly amazing. For those that know where to look I have put a few pictures on flickr.
Enjoy.

2006-12-15T07:30:00.000-08:00

Another treat for a Friday. Do you think this kid had a tough time at school?

2006-12-15T06:51:00.000-08:00

Another story caught my eye this week that falls into the ‘Only In America’ bracket. Here is the link: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/6173535.stm Basically the folks in Texas are trying to pass a bill to allow ‘blind’ people to go hunting with guns. At the moment the blind people of Texas feel they are being discriminated against since they don’t have the same chance of shooting a wild animal as their sighted friends. They want to ability to fit a laser sight to their weapon. Currently these are banned, as are torches and car headlights.
I read the article a few times and couldn’t quite grasp how a laser sight would help. If you are blind or partially sighted how would a tiny red dot help you hit anything? I asked a few of my American friends and they said the laser sight was for the ‘hunting buddy’ who would accompany the blind person. The new bill will insist that a blind person must have a sighted person with them when they go walking through the woods with a loaded gun.

So the way I see it, the pair of them will creep up on the deer, the blind person will raise his rifle and switch on the laser. The sighted guy will then give it the old, left a bit, right a bit, ready……aim……fire. Boom, the blind guy has fired a gun at something. I really can’t see the satisfaction. What’s to stop the sighted person congratulating his mate saying he has just made the perfect kill when all he really did is put a hole in a tree? It all seems a bit bizarre to me but then I don’t hunt wild animals so probably haven’t really grasped the whole concept. It occurred to me it was just another way to sell more hunting licenses and guns and bullets but I’m sure that not the motive.
When I asked my friends at work who I know own guns about this they didn’t really react. The blind being given license to hunt isn’t really that dramatic to an American gun owner. They take that sort of news in their stride. They told me about a service that was setup a few years back and I found this even more amazing. Apparently an area in a forest somewhere in Texas was roped off and a number of webcams were trained on it. They then allowed, for a small fee, a “hunter” to logon to a webpage that had access to these webcams. The hunter could then look around the area of forest and control a crosshair using a mouse. Now here is the bizarre bit. By moving the mouse the hunter was actually moving a real gun that was mounted in the forest. If they spotted a deer they could take aim and with the click of a mouse fire a round.
Now this really is bizarre to me. Surely part of the attraction of hunting is sitting out in the cold for hours on end, stalking your prey, outwitting it and then killing it. How would sitting in your living room with a cup of coffee and a biscuit be compared to that. You might as well buy an Xbox. I then wondered if this service included shipment of the dead animal to your house.
To all the non-American readers out there I’m sure you will agree this is all “Only In America” stuff and to all the Americans reading I really have to commend you on dreaming up ways to allow so many people to hunt that would normally be excluded.

2006-12-07T14:18:00.000-08:00

The mid-west of the USA is leading the way!!

Often slated for being a bit behind the times and very poor at conserving the environment it was interesting to see this website:

http://www.onebillionbulbs.com/

As it stands today the mid-west is doing a good job.

2006-12-07T12:40:00.000-08:00

Well it’s another chilly day here in Kansas City. This blog seems to have turned into a “what’s different between the UK and the USA”. Well, one thing that is very different is the weather. Typically in the UK you might expect the temperature to drop below 0 degrees Celsius in winter, maybe you get the odd -2 or -3 day but not here in Kansas City!! Right now I would love it to be zero degrees.
When I got into my car this morning the temperature was -12 degrees. For a Brit not used to these temperatures that’s mighty cold. I drove the first few minutes laughing out loud at how cold it was. I think I was going a little insane, I just couldn’t get warm!! When I got to work the car had not reached full temperature. Usually that would happen after a few minutes of driving. Stepping out of the car I experienced the other chilling factor here in KC, wind chill. The stiff breeze dropped the temperature another few degrees. I think it was probably the coldest I have ever been and that’s including various skiing trips up lots of cold mountains.
It’s good fun though. The weather in the UK can be a bit bland. It’s not often you get exciting weather. So far this month I have experienced a foot of snow falling in four hours and temperatures below -12. Apparently this weekend is going to be sunny and warm again. It really is all over the place. A few friends at work have warned me today won’t be the coldest day. Each year there is usually a day that goes below -20. That should be fun!! It’s actually a bit dangerous walking around in those sorts of temperatures. Any moisture on your exposed skin will freeze. Happy times.
Well, that’s the end of my weather report. It’s safe to say Kansas City and the UK are very different when it comes to weather.

2006-11-30T16:24:00.000-08:00

Winter has arrived in Kansas City and it's snowing for my birthday :-) This weather warning went out this morning:

URGENT - WINTER WEATHER MESSAGE
NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE
426 AM CST THU NOV 30 2006
KSZ069-070-093-094-098-301830-
THE WINTER STORM WARNING IS NOW IN EFFECT UNTIL MIDNIGHT CST TONIGHT.
A POTENTIALLY PARALYZING SNOWSTORM IS EXPECTED TODAY. TOTAL ACCUMULATIONS AROUND A FOOT ARE LIKELY EAST OF HIGHWAY 77...WITH AMOUNTS DROPPING TO AROUND 9 INCHES WEST OF HIGHWAY 77. THE SNOW WILL START LATER THIS MORNING AND BE HEAVY AT TIMES THROUGH THE AFTERNOON. ISOLATED THUNDERSTORMS WILL PRODUCE NARROW BANDS OF THE HEAVIEST SNOW. LIGHT TO OCCASIONALLY MODERATE SNOW IS LIKELY EARLY THIS EVENING.
BRIEF PERIODS OF SLEET MAY ALSO OCCUR THIS MORNING. WIND GUSTS OVER 30 MPH WILL CAUSE CONSIDERABLE BLOWING AND DRIFTING OF THE SNOW. A WINTER STORM WARNING MEANS SIGNIFICANT WINTER WEATHER IS EXPECTED OR OCCURRING. THIS WILL MAKE TRAVEL VERY HAZARDOUS OR IMPOSSIBLE.
$$
----------------------------------------

2006-11-24T08:52:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving & Football

Yesterday was Thanksgiving day here in the USA. It’s a big national holiday where people go and visit their families and have a large turkey dinner. Once everyone is full of food the sleeping drugs in the turkey kick in and they all chill out and watch the NFL football games that are on TV. This year there were three games back to back. About 9 hours of American football. Plenty for the hard core fan.
We were lucky enough to be invited round to a friends house to take part in their Thanksgiving. Another tradition is to go out before eating and play a little Football. I had never tried this before. I have watched on TV and thought it doesn’t look too difficult but then most things on TV look easier than they are. After meeting up with our friends we headed over to a local football field to have a crack at kicking a field goal. How hard could it be? The professionals on TV can put the ball between the posts from 50 – 60 yards on a good day. When I got to the field and stood 50 yards from the goals there was no way in a million years I would be able to do that. We started out at the 20 yard line and had a go. I think I was hitting about 1 in 5 from the 20. Not bad for a first go. Once we pushed back to the 30 yard line I could still reach the goal but my accuracy was getting worse, probably hitting 1 in 8. Another 5 yards back and that was it. Couldn’t hit a cows arse with a spade from there. I had to put in so much effort to try and reach that my accuracy went out the window.
Hats off to the professional who make it look so simple. They really have perfected their skills. Next time I see a 60 yard field goal completed I will have much more respect. It’s not as easy as it looks!!

2006-11-08T12:42:00.000-08:00

Elections

Last night saw the end of the Senate elections over here in the USA. Typically these types of things are a bit boring but when I compared it to the elections in the UK I realised its very different and quite entertaining. I’m sure Americans find it boring because it’s the same thing over and over for them but for me the campaign tactics and TV commercials were fun.

In the UK you get to see ‘Party Political Broadcasts’ in the build up to an election. A member of the Labor party will pop on the screen and tell you what a good job they are doing and what they plan to do if you vote for them. Over here it’s very different. The big vote over here was for the State Senator. The race was between Jim Talent (who already held the job) and his challenger Claire McCaskill. Rather than Jim or Claire coming on the TV telling you want a great job they will do, you actually get something like this:

Scene: Sat in what appears to be his house. Very homely warm setting, this guy can be trusted, he looks nice.

Jim: “Claire McCaskill says she will audit old peoples homes and end the abuse there. She also says she will clean up the accounts of these old peoples homes and bring about change. She’s lying. Claire married an owner of a chain of old peoples homes and ordered that his businesses not be audited. She also wets the bed and smells. My name is Jim Talent and I authorise this message”.

Or you get:

Scene: Very similar. She looks friendly, like a member of the family perhaps. She could be an Aunty or something.

Claire: “Jim Talent says he supports Missouri. He says he votes for Missouri when he votes in Washington. He’s lying. He votes with Bush 95% of the time. He says he is against the war in Iraq but then voted to keep our troops out there and did you know he sleeps with his teddy bear and ‘forgot’ to pay taxes the last few years? Naughty naughty”

That’s the big difference. It seems they can say what they like about each other and as Election Day approached the mud throwing got worse and worse. I spoke to some people at work to try and establish the ground rules for these commercials. Can they say anything they like or is there a line? I was given this example.

In another state one of the candidates ran an advert saying his competitor called sex lines and was an all round not so nice guy who needed to hear the voice of some dodgy woman on the other end of the phone. Your basic sleaze campaign. Can they just say this or do they need some proof? It turns out you do need something to base your claim on. This particular candidate had managed to get hold of the phone records from a hotel stay his opponent made. One of the numbers on the list was indeed a sex line. He put 2 and 2 together, got 5 and ran the commercial. When the phone records were looked at again for more than 5 seconds it became clear that the sex line number was one digit away from the campaign hotline and one of the candidates aids had misdialed the number. The so called sex line call lasted 10 seconds or so and the correct number was dialed immediately afterwards and the call lasted many minutes. An innocent mistake by some assistant that led to the sleazy commercial. There was no point trying to defend it on TV as it would just draw more attention to the issue. This seems to be the way it goes. Say what you like so long as it very loosely based on something, anything!!

So compared to the UK, a US election is very different and very entertaining. Another big difference is the voters ability to influence policy directly. Not only do you get to vote for your favorite person over here you also get to say yes or no to various proposals. For example:

1. Do you think we should spend a load of money building new football stadiums?
2. Do you think we should allow stem cell research?
3. Do you think we should raise the tax on cigarettes?
4. Do you think we should raise the minimum wage?
5. Do you want to pay more tax for better roads?

So even if you favorite candidate is against ‘Question 2’ you can still vote for them but then vote no for Q2. The ability to vote on issues then spawns off another set of TV commercials campaigning for your Yes or No vote on issues. On the stem cell research you had opponents showing commercials saying a vote for yes will mean human cloning and the formation of an army of clones that will take over the world. In the Yes camp you had celebrities begging you to vote Yes so doctors can cure all the worlds’ illnesses and allow you to live to be 300. Again all the ads feel made up and there is very little fact to back up any claims.

Voting over here is tough if you want to make a well informed choice. There are so many issues on each ballot you don’t stand a chance. You end up voting for the person who looks best on TV or on the made up claim that stuck in your mind. I guess in that way it’s not far from the UK really.

2006-11-02T07:14:00.000-08:00

We are under attack!!!

I received an email from my brother today. He is currently traveling in the Far East and emailed me from Thailand. He had just come back from a day chillin on the beach in Phuket. His email reminded me of our holiday in Thailand earlier this year and the strange final evening in Phuket.
After spending two weeks relaxing in Phuket we were getting ready to fly to Bangkok for three days of sightseeing. It was around 8 in the evening and we had just finished eating a lovely Thai curry from the local restaurant. Our bags were semi-packed and we were watching some TV. All of a sudden it sounded like the heavens had opened and a massive storm had hit. What we thought was rain was hammering on the windows. This seemed strange as it had rained hard earlier in the day and only did this every few days. We went over to the balcony and opened the curtains that covered the patio doors. It had just gone dark outside and it wasn’t raining. What we thought were rain drops hitting the windows were actually flying ants, millions of them!!
They must have been attracted to the balcony lights and now wanted to get into the apartment to watch a bit of TV. We stood for a moment mesmerized. I have never seen such a massive swarm of insects. From behind our glass windows it was quite a sight. I certainly wouldn’t want to step outside. We suddenly realised, if they were trying to get in here they might be trying other open windows. My brother ran into his bedroom and promptly ran out again. His room was full of them. We quickly ran around the apartment and discovered we were heavily out numbered. At this point it started to get a bit scary. I realised I was hundreds of times larger than these little flying ants but there were loads of them. They were buzzing around the lights casting massive shadows on the walls and marching across the floor. It seems once they land they shed their wings and start walking. Time for war!!
The ants had many ground troops but we had a can of insect repellent and two electrified tennis rackets. If you haven’t seen these tennis rackets before I recommend you get one just for the fun of it. It’s basically a plastic tennis racket that holds a battery. On the grip there is a red button and this charges the metal racket strings. Once charged you can take a swing at the offending insect and you hear a nasty electrical crack as you strike it. Quite a humane death? We went to work, swatting away at the flying ants. Some swings yielded 10 or so electrical cracks. We must have looked a bit mental to anyone outside looking in. Two guys letting fly with plastic tennis rackets. After about five minutes we realised we were loosing the battle. New tactics were required. There is something creepy about large numbers of small insects. They seemed to get everywhere. Every time you touched something it seemed to be covered. Light switches, door handles etc.
Plan B.
We switched off all the lights apart from the one in the kitchen. We were hoping to get them all in one place for a final assault. This of course plunged most of the apartment into total darkness. The ants would buzz right past your face and ears perhaps landing in your hair which was very freaky. At this point we didn’t know if these guys could bite or not. They must have been pissed off and seeing many of there fellow ants slaughtered. Perhaps they wanted revenge.
Now there were hundreds of them in the kitchen. Most had lots their wings and were walking about. We had another tactical discussion and came up with a final plan. In one swift movement we ran into the kitchen, killed the kitchen lights, opened the back door and switched on the outside light. The plan was to get them to walk out of the apartment of their own free will, heading towards the new light source. A bit like the Pied Piper of Hamelin. This plan wasn’t without risk. Opening the back door could have allowed reinforcements in. Fortunately it worked well and the war was over. After half an hour or so most had left. We finally relaxed and suddenly realised we had been combating the ants for over two long hours!!!
The next day we woke and saw the battle field in day light. Most of the lounge and kitchen area was littered with wings and dead bodies. It wasn’t a pretty sight. When we swept everything up it made quite an impressive pile.
We recounted the story to the taxi driver who took us to the airport. It seems this type of attack happens two or three times a year after a heavy rain fall. Two or three times a year!! Just our luck for it to happen on our last day when all we wanted to do was chill out on our last night!!

2006-10-30T15:02:00.000-08:00

A Useful Piece of Information

There are lots of useful websites out there providing all sorts of information. Someone told me about this site today and I thought I would pass it on:

http://www.saynoto0870.com/search.php

Although not much use for me at the moment as I am out in the States, I’m sure anyone in the UK would find it useful. This site provides alternative phone numbers to those 0870 numbers typically used for help lines etc. If you get stuck on hold for a long time this should save you money.

2006-10-25T17:47:00.000-07:00

Subway

At first glance it would appear to be a simple task. Pop out of the office at lunchtime and buy a sandwich. Easy I hear you say, I do it all the time.
Now picture yourself in a foreign country, picture yourself in the USA. Easy I hear you say, they speak English. Had I not visited America I would have to agree however it's not quite that simple.
My typical sandwich shop of choice at lunchtime is Subway. It's close to the office and its one of the more healthy options. Popping to a local barbque vendor, although very tasty can result in an afternoon of sleep due to over eating or a heart attack. So Subway it is. Enter the shop, quick glance at the board, deep breath and away we go:
"Good afternoon Sir, what kinda sandwich can I git ya today?"
"Hi. I would like a 6 inch tuna on the Italian Herb and Cheese please".
"OK so that's a 6 inch what now?"
"Tuna please"

I get a blank look. Now I have done this many times and I am a bit of a glutton for punishment but I believe my crazy English accent should be enough to get me by in America. Fair enough if I am in Thailand or something but not the USA. I know the lady wants to hear the word "Toooona" but I think she could make a guess. The choices are fairly limited, chicken perhaps or meat ball so my "Tuna" should do the trick. Sadly no. I switch over to my dodgy America accent.

"Toooona please"
"Oh Toooona, I wondered what you were ordering for a minute there."

Now I would hope if the situation was reversed and a Texan strolled into an English Subway his order of: "Howdy partner, git me one of those foot long tooonas on the erb and cheese, toast it with some of the pepper jack" would do the trick.

Anyway back to the sandwich. Having successfully selected bread and filling I slide down to the salad bar and say hello to the salad lady. Should I chance it or stick with the fake America accent?

"Hi. What would you like on your toooona sir?"
"Hi. I would like some lettuce, tomato, green peppers, cucumber and halapinos please".

On goes the lettuce and then nothing.

"Sorry sir what was the second item?"

A little smile to myself.

"Tomato please"

I get that look again, the look that says: "Great, another weirdo holding up the lunchtime rush. As if making sandwiches wasn't bad enough I have to deal with this."

"Sorry, Tom-ay-toe."

Sure enough on goes the tomatoes and the sandwich is complete. Now I know it's a classic, "You say Tomayto and I say Tomato" but it really is true. The lady is faced with a very limited number of choices and my request of "Tomato" should do the trick but alas it always fails but I always try. Don't get me wrong, it doesn't annoy me or cause me any stress. I actually find these little difference between our two countries interesting. I might as well be speaking Thai with my "Tuna" and my "Tomato".

2006-10-24T19:26:00.000-07:00

Borat -The first 4 minutes of his Movie

I saw this clip today. Looks like this is going to be a top quality film. Looking forward to seeing it already.

2006-10-24T18:48:00.000-07:00

Nike + Update

I have been using the Nike+ system with my iPod Nano for a few weeks now. I was initially very impressed with the system. I found the logging of information motivated me to run further and more often. Now I have explored the package I am even more impressed.
When you fire up your iPod and connect the Nike+ receiver you then have a few exercise options. You can select a 'basic' workout which will simply monitor your progress; time (obvious); calories (set the no. of calories you want to burn) or you can use the distance option. This allows you to select a distance and once you start running you get automatic updates on your progress telling you when you have completed each mile, the time taken so far and your current pace. I have never run more than 4 miles or so but the other day I selected the pre programmed 10km run and was able to complete it.

I would have been happy with that in terms of motivation but I have now found a few more treats to help you pound out the miles. Once you log onto the website you can review your progress and also set 'goals'. Depending on the difficulty of the goal you set yourself you are awarded different medals. You might challenge yourself to run 25 miles in 4 weeks or burn 5000 in 3. Again it's a simple process but I found it quite affective. I have already collected a few medals and have now set myself even tougher goals.

So far so good. If that still isn't enough they have taken it to the next level. Rather than challenging yourself you have the ability to challenge any of the other 16 million+ runners out there. This week Nike opened up their forums allowing runners from all over the world to get together and race. Using the challenge system you could propose something like, "Who can run the furthest in November". You would then invite runners to take up the challenge and go for it. You can log in each day and see everyone’s progress in the form of a league table. If taking on the whole world doesn't motivate people then I don't know what would!! Here is the first challenge I signed up to. Should be interesting.

Hopefully this has help explain the Nike+ system to people that haven't come across it yet. If you are looking for a way to get motivated and do some exercise you could do a lot worse than this simple system. There is something satisfying about seeing your runs stack up.

That's enough from me today. I'm going to watch the baseball 'World Series' now. World series is a bit of a joke since it's basically all American teams. It's interesting to watch though since we don't get it in the UK very often. I'm supporting the St. Louis Cardinals since they are sort of local.

2006-10-16T20:17:00.000-07:00

I have been working here in Kansas City on and off for over two years now. I have travelled here with a number of different colleagues from the UK office and everyone has a different view on this place. Sometimes you visit a place and everyone loves it, sometimes everyone hates it. KC is a place that splits people. It has much more extreme weather compared to the UK in all seasons, it’s mid-west America, most things are bigger etc etc. Some people like it, some not. One thing you can say about KC, it’s not boring.

Perhaps to locals it is boring as the goings on here are normal but to my British mind quite a lot of the things here are totally bizarre. Not so long ago I came upon a bizarre scene......

Driving home for a spot of lunch I approached the Plaza and there was a traffic jam where normally the traffic flows freely. (traffic jams are a rarity here as the roads are massive). As I looked into the distance expecting to see flashing lights and smashed up vehicles I made out what appeared to be a massive chicken walking around. I thought back to my morning at work and didn’t remember taking any mind-altering drugs, in fact all I had consumed was a hot chocolate and a bottle of water. It wasn’t my mind slipping into a dream state it really was a six-foot tall chicken walking on the pavement (side-walk).

As the traffic moved closer the scene became even more bizarre. I knew it would be interesting as the traffic coming towards me was slowing right down next to the chicken and drivers were flashing their lights and beeping their horns. The lorry (truck) drivers were getting very excited. It was at this point I suspected there were women involved.
My suspicions were confirmed as I edged close enough to see the full scene. I am going to do my best to describe it but I feel my non-drug altered mind won’t do it justice. OK, picture the scene,

There were two coffins on the corner of Broadway and 47th Street, right in front of the most impressive water fountain on the Plaza. It’s a busy spot for both tourists and people enjoying their lunch. The sun was shining and there are people everywhere.
The coffins had their lids removed and they had been angled up so you can see inside. Each coffin contained a naked lady, one blonde and one a brunette. (They clearly had a marketing mind on the team and were trying to appeal to as many people as possible). The ladies modesty was protected by a small bunch of flowers and a message board they were holding across their chests. A strong gust of wind and everything would have been on show. Their message read:

Bird Flu has arrived
The animals are fighting back
GO VEGITARIAN

Both of the young ladies were smiling and waving at the passers by as they waved back, beeped their horns and flashed their lights. Some people even stopped their cars, leaned out of the window and took pictures with their camera phones. I didn’t blame them who would believe you when you said “I just saw to naked ladies in coffins with a six foot chicken dancing around them at lunchtime”. Totally bizarre. One young chap ran over with a camera and started snapping away. He must have thought all his Christmas and Birthdays had come at once.

I have had a look on the Internet to try to find a news station that has covered the story as I’m sure reading this you want to see the pictures. Unfortunately I haven’t been able to find one. Perhaps a Google search on something like “Two naked women and a six foot chicken” will do the trick.

One thing you can say about KC, you never know what’s going to happen next.

2006-10-13T13:26:00.000-07:00

“You have to come downstairs, there are cows in the street.”

What else could I do? After receiving a phone call with instructions like that I left my desk and headed downstairs. My friend was right, there were indeed cows in the street along with cowboys and cowgirls!!
I wondered what people would think about this. Perhaps an American living in the mid-west would think, “So what. There are cows downtown walking between all the office buildings. What’s so special about that?”. But for my friends back home I have a feeling this would be interesting. I certainly found it interesting as it’s another ‘only in America’ moment.
It turns out there was a cattle drive. A bunch of cowboys and girls herded about 20 cows from outside my office towards the Marriott hotel. Great to watch, another surreal moment. The organisation was fantastic. All the car parks and side streets had been blocked off to avoid damage to property. The cowboys out numbered the cows and the cows chosen for the great honor of walking downtown were the most relaxed cows I have ever seen. I was hoping for a stampede but it didn’t look likely. They even had cleaning crews standing by ready to follow behind the procession cleaning up after the horses and cattle.
Unfortunately the only camera I had on me was my crappy camera phone. I knew I had to take some pictures as no-one would believe me.

It’s all part of America Royal. There’s even a website: www.americanroyal.com

Before I go I thought I would include this link:

http://www.heroda.com/AlbumLeaf-Web-Final.mov

It a really cool video someone has made using time lapse.

2006-10-03T19:07:00.000-07:00

Nike+
It's been a quiet few days, not much happening in Kansas City so I thought I would write a quick note about the Nike+ system I have just bought. My original plan was to buy a pair of the new nike running shoes with the Nike+ system built in (80 - 160 dollars). For those that haven't heard, the Nike+ system hooks up to an iPod nano and tracks any run or walk that you do via a sensor in your trainer. It records time distance and pace. I went to three local sports shops and none of them had my size of shoe. At one point in an act of desperation I even asked the sales assistant if they had my size in one of the most shocking paris of trainers I have ever seen. Fortunately they did not or I might have made the mistake of buying them. I have been visiting sports stores for the last few weeks trying to buy these trainers and was about to leave empty handed when I decided to buy the Nike+ sensor and iPod adaptor (30 dollars). How hard could it be to fit it myself I wondered.
I got home, found a marker pen and stanley knife then spent the next half hour hacking out a hole in the bottom of my left trainer to accommodate the sensor. I finally managed to get it to fit and was pleasantly surprised to find that it worked. In true Apple style I switched on my iPod, connected the receiver and it detected my left foot right away. It instructed my to walk for a few steps and then said all was well and I could go for a run when ever I wanted!! Easy.
I have been using the system for a few days now and its quite addictive. When you are out running you can press the center button on your iPod and a friendly female voice will let you know how you are doing telling you the distance you have run so far and how long you have been running. Once you complete a run you dock your iPod with the computer and it downloads the stats from your run. It then uploads these to the Nike+ website where you are then able to track all your history. It makes it really simple to see how much running/walking you have been doing. I started off with a walk around the local running track and today I ran the same route. At the end of the run I was greeted by the voice of Paula Radcliff telling me I had just run my furthest distance so far and she was pleased for me!! That was a little treat that isn't mentioned in the instructions. Now I want to complete a few more runs to see who else is going to be impressed with my efforts. If the winner of the London Marathon thinks Im doing well things can't be bad. To complete the system Apple have hooked up with some professional coaches to produce a number of different albums you can download. For example there is an album filled with dance tracks and a voice over from a professional coach teaching you how to improve your endurance. He talks to you throughout the 40 minute routine telling you when to sprint, run up a hill, jog and then cool down. It's an excellent idea and great for people who don't like gym classes or who want to train outside whilst the weather is still nice.
As you can tell I am impressed with the Nike+ system and hopefully it will keep me interested in keeping fit.

Other News: The story of my encounter with the local police has spread around the office and a number of people have suggested I write in to the local news paper. They seem to think the whole of Kansas City would enjoy the story. I'm tempted to write to them just to see if they print it. Will let you know what I decide.

2006-09-28T18:38:00.000-07:00

Crime in Kansas City!!
I have been living here on and off for a few years now and have never had any trouble with the Police or Crime. When I arrived my friends advised me of the areas to avoid and I have taken there advise. Today however crime was upon me. Was it a bank robbery, murder or kidnap...... nope I had my number plates stolen. Not very exciting I know but annoying all the same. I arrived back at my car after work and noticed my from plate was missing. I thought it had fallen off. When I checked the back plate was gone too. When I looked more carefully I noticed the brackets and screws had been removed. I was actually glad they hadn't just ripped them off and taken the time to use a screw driver and do a professional job. Less damage to the car.
I wasn’t too happy at this point but I think I made a police officers day. Rather than dialing 911 I called the local police station and was transferred to the “Non-emergency Police Dept.”. The conversation went something like this:

Police Officer: “Good evening Sir how may I assist you?”
Me: “Hi, Someone has pinched my number plates and I was transferred to you to report it and get a crime number.”
PO: “Say what now sit? This is the Non-emergency Police number, can I assist you?”
Me: “I hope this is the correct number, someone has taken the number plates off my car.”
PO: “Hold on sir, do you mean your license plates are missing from your vehicle?”
Me: “Yes, that’s correct.”
PO: “OK, for a minute there I couldn’t understand what you were saying. Hey where are you from anyways?”
Me: “London.”
PO: “I thought I spotted an accent there. OK, what was the last time you knew the license plates were on the vehicle?”
Me: “At 8 this morning when I arrive at work.”

We then established the boring details, car make, model, time frame for the theft and that is when it got interesting.

Me: “I’m not sure if this will help you but I washed the car at the weekend and when I was inspecting it just now I noticed a hand print on the bonnet.”
PO: “Sorry sir, you have a hand print on your bonnet?”
Me: “Yes that correct”

Now at this point I have a feeling he put me on hold as he was having trouble controlling has laughter. Then he comes back,

PO: “OK sir, your saying there is a hand print on your bonnet?”
Me: “That’s right, I think the thief must have left it when he stole the number, err license plate from the front of the car”

It’s quite possible I was on speaker phone at this point entertaining the entire department.

PO: “Sorry sir, do you mean there are finger prints on the hood?”
Me: “Yes that’s correct. I thought you might want to send out a forensics team to lift the prints. It might help you catch the criminal.”

At this point I know I went on hold. Looking back it’s quite possible he fell off his chair laughing so hard. It turns out a bonnet is something a child or woman might wear on her head and there was no way the forensics team would be coming out to print my car. I think I have been watching far too much CSI and have lost a grip on reality. It seemed like a great idea to me at the time. I was even willing to wait in the car park for them to come out. It turns out the forensics team are busy dealing with murders, shootings and stabbings etc.
To be fair to the Police Officer he gathered his composure and came back on the phone quickly.
PO: “I’m sorry sir, the Kansas City Forensics Team will not be coming out to gather evidence.”
Me: “Oh (I’m genuinely disappointed). OK. What do I need to do next?”

He tells me the procedure and also tells me what to do should I be stopped by a police officer before I am able to get my replacement plates.

PO: “Sir, its been a pleasure talking to you this evening. You have a good evening now.”
Me: “Thanks for your help”.

Thinking back it really was a pleasure to him. I can picture him now recounting the phone call to his mates telling them about the crazy Brit that calling in the theft of his “Number Plates” with hand prints on his “Bonnet”.

After "calling it in" and getting my crime number I headed home with no number plates. I was actually kinda hoping to get stopped and have my first brush with the law over here but sadly I had an uneventful drive home. Perhaps I'll get caught on the way to work tomorrow. Oh the excitement of Kansas City :-)

2006-09-13T08:36:00.000-07:00

My Mum flew into Kansas City last night for her week long visit. She is our first official visitor. After collecting her from the airport we headed back into town showing off all the sights and sounds of KC. The weather had been rubbish all week but as her plane flew in the sunshine broke through and the temperature started to climb. It looks like my Mum brought a break in the weather.
I have the rest of the week off work so its going to be fun to be a tourist in KC and check out what it has to offer. Although we have been here on and off for two years we haven’t really done the touristy things in town. We tend to visit other places as it seems a waste to use up holiday and not travel anywhere. We finally have an excuse to stay in town, get the camera out and enjoy the city. We have tickets to the baseball on Saturday and a few other attractions to check out. Should be fun.

2006-08-24T16:05:00.000-07:00

I have been a bit slack on the blog recently so thought I would do a quick update from Kansas City. It's been boiling hot here the last few weeks. Temperatures have been over 40 degrees most days and my British body isn't used to it. The weekends are great when I can wear shorts and relax but going to work in trousers and a shirts isn't so much fun. Air conditioning is a must over here. I feel sorry for the people who can't afford it. You see them on the news from time to time and it looks tough.
I had my first experience of the US medical system a few weeks back. It's very different to the UK and it really makes you appreciate the system in the UK.

Over here if you don't have insurane you are in a bit of trouble. I damaged my knee playing football and wanted to get it checked out. Every person I spoke to, Doctor, Receptionist etc always asked if I had insurance and if they could see my insurance card. Each time I wondered what they would say if I say I didn't have insurance. I have heard of horror stories over here of people having to sell their houses after uninsured major surgery. Not much fun at all.
Once I got to see the Doc he X-Rayed my knee and ankle and it all looked good. No broken bones so I am now on a course of physio which is going well. I go for a half hour torture session three times a week and I think its really helping. The physio either gives me electrix shocks on the muscles or does a deep tissue massage. Both a bit painful but have great results.

That's about it for now. I have managed to get free Chiefs tickets for the NFL game this weekend so I might post about that if its exciting.

2006-08-06T10:29:00.000-07:00

IHOP
Come Hungry, Leave Happy. More like Come Hungry, Leave on a massive sugar high!! Yesterday was our first trip to IHOP (The International House Of Pancakes) and it was quite an experience. A number of my American friends had recommended the place and could not believe I hadn't visited yet, so first thing Saturday morning we headed out to a local restaurant.
After looking at the menu for a few minutes I was hoping for an insulin shot before I ate anything. Everything contained massive amounts of sugar. I am sure I even saw people adding syrup to their steaks!! It certainly is an interesting place and one you wouldn’t find in the UK. I ate a half stack on Strawberry pancakes and left with a massive sugar buzz. It’s impossible not to leave this place feeling happy as they basically fill you with sugar. 20 minutes later isn’t so great when you realise what you have just eaten. Nevermind, it’s all about experiencing America.